Thursday, December 16, 2010

Don't listen to them! No more 'buts' !

Next time you're giving someone ”advises” or telling someone what "right", please reconsider what you're actually saying, or rather, what you're doing to them.

When I was a kid, the idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, was nothing like what I actually want today. Naturally kids just have these cute and funny things that they want to be when they grow up.
That's typical firemen, policemen, astronauts, popstars or you know.. stuff like that.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a farmer, because I loved animals, and I really wanted a cow!

And that's it. That's all you prepare for as a small kid, and that's fine.
My mom and dad just thought it was funny, and ofcourse supported this because after all, if was just a cute childs dream.
But it's because of this dream that my love and interest for animals grew, and I started reading alot of books about them. At some point, I just grew away from the farmer-dream. But imagine if my parents would have said that being a farmer was a bad idea. Maybe I wouldn't have liked animals this much today. Or at least never got that interested in them.

As I grew, I started getting different kinds of interests, and since you're kept asked all the time ”what do you wanna be when you grow up” i kinda ”needed” this idea of what I actually wanted to be.
I remember at some point, I told my friends that I wanted to be an animal psychologist. More specifically a dog psychologist. By that, I meant that I wanted to work with the animals behaviors and be able to figure out why the animal would behave in a certain way, and then know what to do, to train to do as it's supposed to.
My friends started making fun of me. They joked about how I would try to talk to 'stupid' animals like goldfish's, and thought that was very funny for quite some time. I laughed at it too. Surely, they were only kidding. But it weren't really that funny.
I told my mom, because she would understand!
Instead I got this: ”It's very hard to be an animal psychologist, you would have to go for a specific animal, you would need this and this kind of grades, and this kind of education, and it's really hard. But sure, good idea”

- Yeah, that didn't sound very encouraging. And no matter what my mom meant with this, she made it sound like ”this is too hard for you. It's probably not fun anyway”.
Especially for a little child that didn't know better.
So I slowly forgot about this idea.. It was probably too hard for me to do anyway, right?

This is just one example.. It's basicly been like this, everytime i came up with an idea of what I might wanted to be, when I grew up. Same thing would always happen. It was either a funny object for friends to make fun of, or it was too hard, risky, probably no fun at all, and had a bad salary according to family.

Ever since me and my sister was kids, I remember my aunt always telling us to grow up as hairdresser, so she could get her hair done for free. At that point, I couldn't care less about hair. But guess what! That changed... Alot!

I told my mom that I would consider being a hairdresser if I couldn't find anything else I wanted to do. Then I was told that that was a great idea BUT … Yeah .. fucking but...
You'd had to stand up all day, family and friends would probably ask you to do alot of unpaid jobs, the salary isn’t really that great, and is that really what you wanna do with your life?

Just shut up .. Seriously.

As an ”almost adult” I'm old enough to say to myself: I'm not going to listen to these people, I wanna do what I wanna do. And I'm not gonna do that anymore for sure, but I hope you get my point! As a kid, you don't really know better, and it's goint to be planted in your head, because things you learn in your childhood will stick to you. It will always kinda be there back in your head telling you: “Whatever you think is a good idea, is a bad idea”
Imagine if people had just said ”that's sounds good, I think YOU would like that. ”

Maybe I would be on my way, becoming an animal psychologist right now. Maybe not, but atleast I wouldn't have the memories of a broken dream.
I probably wouldn't be in a state of panic right now, because this is the age were I need to figure out what I wanna do, but have no fucking clue, because no matter who you go to, there's always a fucking but..

I'm not only talking about jobs. I'm talking about all sorts of things that could have been a great idea, something you're happy about, or something you think you're good at. Thank you for ruining all that with a ”but”, or pointing out that what ever you do, someone will always be better than you, and it's not really good enough.

Next time you wanna advise someone.. Please, think about what you're saying..
I understand if it's a completely retarded idea that can only end up wrong..
But don't question peoples dreams, and self-esteem with a 'but'.. (haaah .. butt .. )
Sometimes a ”that's sounds great”, “that seems like a good idea FOR YOU”, “You're good at that” or a “good for you”, is the most helpful thing to say..

I apologize for any grammatically incorrect words or sentences that might be. I wrote this very quickly in the middle of the night, and I don't care.
I could have made this blog longer and more detailed but.. Meh, I wanna do something that makes me smile now :)
My next blog is gonna be about “being positive” I think .. Atleast that's what I have in mind for now, because, not long ago, I realized how much I actually like to smile. And I will be smiling much more from now on... I hope :D

Luvs, Emi <3

Monday, December 13, 2010

About a dream I had last night.

I don't believe that dreams have a deeper meaning to them, or that they can predict the future or what ever.
But I do believe they can reflect oppressed feelings, emotions and thoughts.
I think they can be affected by stress, happiness, depression and so on.

This dream proved to me, that even when I'm dreaming, I have my meaning about stuff, I that I'll do what I think is right and justice. Unfortunatly, is seems that doing what's right isen't always appriciated:

I don't remember much details, but I was at my grandparents house.
Their neighbours daughter was missing, so everyone was out looking for her.

In the meantime, as I'm in my grandparents garden, eating breakfast in the sun, we are told that their son is missing too. That's when I, for some reason, realize, that the little bug that's sitting on the table next to me, is him!
I don't know how I know. I just do, and I'm quite sure he was a mosqito, but I don't think it really matters.
Anyway, my grandfather also know this for some reason, and he's telling me, that we should just kill the bug. There's no reason for him to live, if he's trapped in such useless body.
I desperately tell him not to. It's still the neighbours son, he's still a living being, he's just trapped in a different living body.
I thought for a second, that I convinced him, put suddenly he squeeses the bug to death with his thumb.

I totally freak out, yelling at my grandfather that he just killed the neighbors son!
But he don't seem to care at all!
I run across the street, where all the people, looking for the children have gathered together. They just stand there talking, and I wait for my grandfather to confess what he did, so that they atleast know what happened to the boy. But he don't
I feel so sorry for the worried parents, that I decide to go tell them what happened, even though I can hear my grandfathers voice in my head, yelling no!

But I did. Everyone freaks out. People are screaming, people are yelling, there's even a big boy, I kinda think is my cousin, that's almost about to punch my grandfather.
I try apoligizing to my grandfather, telling him it was the only right thing to do! No matter what, he murdered the son. Just because he was trapped inside the body of a bug, didn't make his life less worth.
But my grandfather won't talk to me. He simply just ignore me, and walk away.
And so I stood there alone quite for a while, crying, until I woke up.

I'm sure my grandfather would never do such thing in real life! I have no idea why I dreamt him doing this. You can only dream about faces you already know, so I guess it had to be someone!

- What do you think though?
Would a human life matter less in the body of an insect?

I'm just happy that I've never been the type that kills bugs and spiders.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The first days of December.

The temperature is everything between –1 C° to -7C° in Copenhagen. It's snowing like crazy, and that's all the news can talk about. Snow is more important than anything else happening in the world right now, it seems.
But it's so rare getting snow around here in December, and it fits all the Christmas decorations and Christmas feelings perfectly! As I'm sitting by my window, I can't imagine why anyone would complain about it! That being until I have to walk outside myself, and wait for the public transportation, that ofcorse are delayed because of the snow. :(
But right now, that feels so unimportant.
Because I can't help being happy all the time at the moment! I don't even know why! I just feel so positive, calm and loving, and I'm so happy about myself :D

Maybe the 1st of December just started perfectly!
When I woke up, I didn't even notice it was Christmas. I was going to visit my grandparents that day, and so I did. I know my Grandmother always decorate their house, like a Christmas bomb exploded inside it, it's like that every year, but every year, it still manage to make me all exited as soon as I step inside.
The fact that I grew up in this house also make it so amazing to visit in the Christmas time :)
I sat by the window at the dining table. My grandma made tea, put home-baked sugarcoated cinnamon danish bread (whatever that's called in English, haha :P) on the table, together with chocolate cookies, cinnamon biscuits and gingerbread.
On top of all that, I got my advent present (I'm not sure if that's a tradition outside of Denmark, but the older kids get a present every Sunday in Christmas), and some stupid child-calendar thing, but especially the last thing made me feel like a little kid again, and that was just absolutely great <3 I'm never gonna get used to grow up, I think. Such a wonderful day, such a wonderful start of Christmas! I felt like smiling that whole day! This view also made me smile! It's taken by me, from my window! I was so amazed!

I think that feeling have followed me up until today, and will hopefully continue for .. forever! :D
It's still snowing, there's pretty lights everywhere, Copenhagen is full of Christmas smell (I smell cinnamon and honey roasted almonds fucking everywhere!), and in only 5 days from now, I'll be together with my love again <3 Oh yeah, we have the most crazy ice-taps on our house, they're huge :D The picture is taken one of the first snow-days, they've grown even bigger since! They look super vicious!

Last but not least, I finally took a proper picture of myself, and with the fear of sounding very narcissistic, I like it very much!

Happy Christmas from me! I don't hope I'm gonna make another Christmas-blog :D
Luws <3