Thursday, December 16, 2010

Don't listen to them! No more 'buts' !

Next time you're giving someone ”advises” or telling someone what "right", please reconsider what you're actually saying, or rather, what you're doing to them.

When I was a kid, the idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, was nothing like what I actually want today. Naturally kids just have these cute and funny things that they want to be when they grow up.
That's typical firemen, policemen, astronauts, popstars or you know.. stuff like that.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a farmer, because I loved animals, and I really wanted a cow!

And that's it. That's all you prepare for as a small kid, and that's fine.
My mom and dad just thought it was funny, and ofcourse supported this because after all, if was just a cute childs dream.
But it's because of this dream that my love and interest for animals grew, and I started reading alot of books about them. At some point, I just grew away from the farmer-dream. But imagine if my parents would have said that being a farmer was a bad idea. Maybe I wouldn't have liked animals this much today. Or at least never got that interested in them.

As I grew, I started getting different kinds of interests, and since you're kept asked all the time ”what do you wanna be when you grow up” i kinda ”needed” this idea of what I actually wanted to be.
I remember at some point, I told my friends that I wanted to be an animal psychologist. More specifically a dog psychologist. By that, I meant that I wanted to work with the animals behaviors and be able to figure out why the animal would behave in a certain way, and then know what to do, to train to do as it's supposed to.
My friends started making fun of me. They joked about how I would try to talk to 'stupid' animals like goldfish's, and thought that was very funny for quite some time. I laughed at it too. Surely, they were only kidding. But it weren't really that funny.
I told my mom, because she would understand!
Instead I got this: ”It's very hard to be an animal psychologist, you would have to go for a specific animal, you would need this and this kind of grades, and this kind of education, and it's really hard. But sure, good idea”

- Yeah, that didn't sound very encouraging. And no matter what my mom meant with this, she made it sound like ”this is too hard for you. It's probably not fun anyway”.
Especially for a little child that didn't know better.
So I slowly forgot about this idea.. It was probably too hard for me to do anyway, right?

This is just one example.. It's basicly been like this, everytime i came up with an idea of what I might wanted to be, when I grew up. Same thing would always happen. It was either a funny object for friends to make fun of, or it was too hard, risky, probably no fun at all, and had a bad salary according to family.

Ever since me and my sister was kids, I remember my aunt always telling us to grow up as hairdresser, so she could get her hair done for free. At that point, I couldn't care less about hair. But guess what! That changed... Alot!

I told my mom that I would consider being a hairdresser if I couldn't find anything else I wanted to do. Then I was told that that was a great idea BUT … Yeah .. fucking but...
You'd had to stand up all day, family and friends would probably ask you to do alot of unpaid jobs, the salary isn’t really that great, and is that really what you wanna do with your life?

Just shut up .. Seriously.

As an ”almost adult” I'm old enough to say to myself: I'm not going to listen to these people, I wanna do what I wanna do. And I'm not gonna do that anymore for sure, but I hope you get my point! As a kid, you don't really know better, and it's goint to be planted in your head, because things you learn in your childhood will stick to you. It will always kinda be there back in your head telling you: “Whatever you think is a good idea, is a bad idea”
Imagine if people had just said ”that's sounds good, I think YOU would like that. ”

Maybe I would be on my way, becoming an animal psychologist right now. Maybe not, but atleast I wouldn't have the memories of a broken dream.
I probably wouldn't be in a state of panic right now, because this is the age were I need to figure out what I wanna do, but have no fucking clue, because no matter who you go to, there's always a fucking but..

I'm not only talking about jobs. I'm talking about all sorts of things that could have been a great idea, something you're happy about, or something you think you're good at. Thank you for ruining all that with a ”but”, or pointing out that what ever you do, someone will always be better than you, and it's not really good enough.

Next time you wanna advise someone.. Please, think about what you're saying..
I understand if it's a completely retarded idea that can only end up wrong..
But don't question peoples dreams, and self-esteem with a 'but'.. (haaah .. butt .. )
Sometimes a ”that's sounds great”, “that seems like a good idea FOR YOU”, “You're good at that” or a “good for you”, is the most helpful thing to say..

I apologize for any grammatically incorrect words or sentences that might be. I wrote this very quickly in the middle of the night, and I don't care.
I could have made this blog longer and more detailed but.. Meh, I wanna do something that makes me smile now :)
My next blog is gonna be about “being positive” I think .. Atleast that's what I have in mind for now, because, not long ago, I realized how much I actually like to smile. And I will be smiling much more from now on... I hope :D

Luvs, Emi <3

Monday, December 13, 2010

About a dream I had last night.

I don't believe that dreams have a deeper meaning to them, or that they can predict the future or what ever.
But I do believe they can reflect oppressed feelings, emotions and thoughts.
I think they can be affected by stress, happiness, depression and so on.

This dream proved to me, that even when I'm dreaming, I have my meaning about stuff, I that I'll do what I think is right and justice. Unfortunatly, is seems that doing what's right isen't always appriciated:

I don't remember much details, but I was at my grandparents house.
Their neighbours daughter was missing, so everyone was out looking for her.

In the meantime, as I'm in my grandparents garden, eating breakfast in the sun, we are told that their son is missing too. That's when I, for some reason, realize, that the little bug that's sitting on the table next to me, is him!
I don't know how I know. I just do, and I'm quite sure he was a mosqito, but I don't think it really matters.
Anyway, my grandfather also know this for some reason, and he's telling me, that we should just kill the bug. There's no reason for him to live, if he's trapped in such useless body.
I desperately tell him not to. It's still the neighbours son, he's still a living being, he's just trapped in a different living body.
I thought for a second, that I convinced him, put suddenly he squeeses the bug to death with his thumb.

I totally freak out, yelling at my grandfather that he just killed the neighbors son!
But he don't seem to care at all!
I run across the street, where all the people, looking for the children have gathered together. They just stand there talking, and I wait for my grandfather to confess what he did, so that they atleast know what happened to the boy. But he don't
I feel so sorry for the worried parents, that I decide to go tell them what happened, even though I can hear my grandfathers voice in my head, yelling no!

But I did. Everyone freaks out. People are screaming, people are yelling, there's even a big boy, I kinda think is my cousin, that's almost about to punch my grandfather.
I try apoligizing to my grandfather, telling him it was the only right thing to do! No matter what, he murdered the son. Just because he was trapped inside the body of a bug, didn't make his life less worth.
But my grandfather won't talk to me. He simply just ignore me, and walk away.
And so I stood there alone quite for a while, crying, until I woke up.

I'm sure my grandfather would never do such thing in real life! I have no idea why I dreamt him doing this. You can only dream about faces you already know, so I guess it had to be someone!

- What do you think though?
Would a human life matter less in the body of an insect?

I'm just happy that I've never been the type that kills bugs and spiders.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The first days of December.

The temperature is everything between –1 C° to -7C° in Copenhagen. It's snowing like crazy, and that's all the news can talk about. Snow is more important than anything else happening in the world right now, it seems.
But it's so rare getting snow around here in December, and it fits all the Christmas decorations and Christmas feelings perfectly! As I'm sitting by my window, I can't imagine why anyone would complain about it! That being until I have to walk outside myself, and wait for the public transportation, that ofcorse are delayed because of the snow. :(
But right now, that feels so unimportant.
Because I can't help being happy all the time at the moment! I don't even know why! I just feel so positive, calm and loving, and I'm so happy about myself :D

Maybe the 1st of December just started perfectly!
When I woke up, I didn't even notice it was Christmas. I was going to visit my grandparents that day, and so I did. I know my Grandmother always decorate their house, like a Christmas bomb exploded inside it, it's like that every year, but every year, it still manage to make me all exited as soon as I step inside.
The fact that I grew up in this house also make it so amazing to visit in the Christmas time :)
I sat by the window at the dining table. My grandma made tea, put home-baked sugarcoated cinnamon danish bread (whatever that's called in English, haha :P) on the table, together with chocolate cookies, cinnamon biscuits and gingerbread.
On top of all that, I got my advent present (I'm not sure if that's a tradition outside of Denmark, but the older kids get a present every Sunday in Christmas), and some stupid child-calendar thing, but especially the last thing made me feel like a little kid again, and that was just absolutely great <3 I'm never gonna get used to grow up, I think. Such a wonderful day, such a wonderful start of Christmas! I felt like smiling that whole day! This view also made me smile! It's taken by me, from my window! I was so amazed!

I think that feeling have followed me up until today, and will hopefully continue for .. forever! :D
It's still snowing, there's pretty lights everywhere, Copenhagen is full of Christmas smell (I smell cinnamon and honey roasted almonds fucking everywhere!), and in only 5 days from now, I'll be together with my love again <3 Oh yeah, we have the most crazy ice-taps on our house, they're huge :D The picture is taken one of the first snow-days, they've grown even bigger since! They look super vicious!

Last but not least, I finally took a proper picture of myself, and with the fear of sounding very narcissistic, I like it very much!

Happy Christmas from me! I don't hope I'm gonna make another Christmas-blog :D
Luws <3

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Facts of Life

(This text is taken from a POPsicleSTRIP on It is not mine.)

So I read this text somewhere on the internet, and I thought it was amazing, so I will post it here, and hope you will think the same :) Seriously, take the time to read it through!

Nobody really knows anything,
but everyone think they do.
I certainly don't know anything.
But like everyone else,
I think I do.

So here's stuff I think I know.
Although, I don't think you should read it.

Nobody really knows anything.

Especially me.
Don't listen to me.

In fact, you should stop reading right now.

If you're still reading this,
there's probably something wrong with you,
because I wrote this, and there's probably something wrong with me.
Nothing I say should really be listened to, taken serious,
or repeated back into air waves in any form in general.
The fact that I even discuss a subject should suggest an error in it
and it's participants merely by my association.

Everything exist because it can.

There is no other requirement for existing.

Everything is relative.

The size of anything depends on what you're comparing it to.

Life goes on.

There's no way to deserve it, or earn it.
You already have it.
You and only you, get to choose what to do with it.

People will tell you what you should do with it.

But they will also ask for money.

So figure that one out.

In reality, there is no life anywhere.

The things that we call alive are the things that most resemble ourselves.

Beyond this, everything is essentially the same.

everyone is selfish

This is okay, because everyone must be selfish.

If everyone was selfless, there would be no selves.

There would be only one thing,
it, everything, and no one to call it anything.

Good and evil are opposite ends of desire.

On one end is everything you desire.

On the other is everything you fear.

Good people are only happy,
when you are happy.

Evil people are only happy,
when you are sad.

Love and hate are opposite ends of reason.

On one end is everything you choose to see.

On the other end is everything you choose to ignore.

The earth is kept afloat in space
by several elephants standing
atop several larger sea turtles.

I just haven't figured out if it's flat or round yet.

Movement is everything.

How thing move determines
what they are,
what they were,
and what they're going to be.

Everything you do,
have done,
and will do,
is moving something from one place to another.

Every movement you make
is a choice to take from one thing
and give it to something else.

Choose wisely.

If movement is everything,
the art of mastering everything
is the art of mastering different types of movement.

If you help others accomplish their goals,
they will most likely not return the favor.

With interest.

If you prevent others from accomplishing their goals,
they will most like return the favor.

With even more interest.

Karma is what happens when the waves you send out come back to you.

Be careful what you send out.

Laziness is good.

It's the only way to know if you're wasting time.

Laziness if the key to efficiency.

The less work you want to do,
the more you'll think of efficient ways to do it.

We naturally think in pictures.

Words are much more efficient, but much less accurate.

Societies are cooperative reduntant arrays.

Cooperative reduntant arrays allow us to specialize.

Cooperative + reduntant + arrays + specialize = Epic win.

The problem is always the opposite of the solution.

If you see a problem, you're really seeing solution.

You're just comparing it to the real state of things,
which is currently the opposite of the solution.

If the problem is merely the reverse of the solution,
the art of creating solutions is simple the art of accurately seeing the problem.

The more you think you know,
the less you actually know.

Forget all your assumptions and you will be left with nothing.

But what is.

Belief seeks the closest matching reality.

Remember this when dealing with other.
No one sees the world as it is,
only as they believe it to be.

Humans are probably the first species on this planet
with the capability to believe
and maintain complex systems of nonsense at will.

Sadly this may be our best and most redeeming attribute.

You can accomplish any goal and you can be anything you want to be.

All you need is to believe the previous sentence.

Everything would be much easier
if we all just choose a number and stuck with it.

I suggest 42.

Or possibly 13.

Someday I will most likely be killed by someone who can't handle a joke,
someone who plays a short game,
someone who lack the foresight to see
the greater long-term gains from cooperation,
someone even more foolish than me.

Now that's funny.

It is wise to listen to your parents.
They've been around long enough to gain loads of wisdom
and learn many thing.

It is unwise to do what they tell you to.
They're full of shit.

Life is absurd.

Humor is required for happiness.
If you can't appreciate absurdity, you can't appreciate life.

Life is fair.

It treats everyone equally.

You get exactly what you deserve.

You got it for free.

So stop complaining.


Everything is meaningless.

We add the meaning to ourselves.

If we go, all the meaning of life goes with us.

Stop taking everything seriously,.

Just have fun.

That's not a fact, that's a suggestion.

The future is an illusion.

The past is an illusion.

We create these things to help ourselves.

There is only now.

Right now.


Death goes off.

And that's okay.

Because off is nothing
And nothing
is nothing
to worry

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The feeling "grey".

Lately, it seems like everything i like doing and liked doing, is impossible for me to do.
I haven't really been drawing for, God know how long.. And when I finally do, I see the mistakes before I even get to make them, and I get distracted by other things.
Same with writing. I think writing is the hobby i like doing the most. Maybe rather come up with stories, the writing process can be a pain in the ass.

I've been wanting to write a blog for so long... But I don't wanna make a blog about nothing, just to make one..
When I finally figure out what to write, I, again, see the mistakes before making them.
And in the end, everything I write, dosen't come out as I want.
I just stare at the paper, or the screen, having a billion thoughts I wanna share, but don't wanna share (yes, that's how it feels), and nothing at all comes out. It's like my brain crashes, or I get distracted again.

I'm not really sure what I get distracted from though.. But damn, it's distracting..
I don't know if people have noticed, but I'm pretty bad at answearing, that being on different chat's, messages or text-messages. I've always been, but lately, it's been worse than ever. The ones I care about might find it hard keeping in touch with me. Or maybe not, idk. I'm sorry anyway.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this right now. I know what I wanna tell, it's just like the words in my heads are not getting out. There's so many of them, it's kinda like they all get stuck in the doorway.

It's a chaos in here. I'm filled up with tons of emotions, worries and thoughts, and how wierd it may sound, it's causing me to feel really empty...
I know it dosen't make sense, but I thought of it, being like mixing colours..
If you mix all your painting together, you usually end of with a really grey dull color.

I guess that's what happened to me. I have a hard time, right now, figuring out what I feel. I don't know which emotion to pick. Theres so many of them, they're kinda overlapping and swirling around by their own will.. In the end, I don't end up picking any, i guess because I simply can't, and i feel empty. And I don't really feel much more than that. It's like being ”neither happy or sad. Neither angry or peacefull” No black or white. Just gray, gray and more gray.

It's a new feeling for me. I've always been very emotional in the way, that I always cry to sad movies, I always feel bad for other peoples misery, and it's usually the little things in life that makes me smile..

If all this jabbering about emotions and no emotions, of feeling alot of stuff, and not feeling anything at, all seems conditrictory, and dosen't make sense to you, no worries.
This, also, did not come out, as I wanted it to, but all this does not, to some point, make sense to me either... With all the thoughts, it's hard starting at one place, and finish off at the same place. Instead, I guess, I ended up going around alot of subjects .. Oh well.

I guess though, this will do. It feels nice to finally write again. Maybe this could be a warm up to me, and incourage me to start/finish some of my other writing projects.

Let's just say I have some Zombie project I wanna experiment with :) And not a classic ”Zombie-apocalypse, everyone dies” story. Let's see, right now, it's all in my head, and nothing on paper.

- Emi Milling. 27/10-2010.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Last Secret Garden

A short story I wrote about a 1½ year ago. It's a part of a series of short-stories about 7 different worlds, and this is one of them. The way of writing is a bit funny, but it's on purpose! I thought it made the story more beutiful. Enjoy!

"You're a sleeping flower on the green field, with the whitest leafs,
and your eyes so blue is just a reflection of the low-lying firmament
which gently leans over this last secret garden.
Here, where the grass smells so fresh like no other place in the world.
Where no sun exists, only the blue sky casts a warm light, that blurs the horizon,
so no division between heaven and earth exist.
Although this white skin has never seen the light from the merciful sun,
there is only one thing, whiter and cleaner than this, and this is the white snow,
with a whisper and humming, falls softly around and lie in the green grass.
It has never existed, because, from a clear sky no snow can be created.
And flowers shutter up in the brightest colors, and although no smell so sweet
as their is, it's the gentle scent from the surrounding trees, high and soft grass
and fog from the blurried horizonthat overwhelms the Last Secret Garden.
And the snow sings, and no other sound can be heard, cause the wind in the
trees,blows it away, and night and day are one and the same thing.
"You are a sleeping flower on the green field, and your hair is the green grass.
Let your fingers run through it and you'll feel the earth's heat embrace you,
and you will lay, with the heavenly sweetness "
That is The Last Secret Garden"

Copyright Emi Milling 2008